Chapter 24

Click here to read the Disclaimer and Warning.

Chapter 24: Renaissance

It wasn't until I locked the door behind me and noticed that Ashok wasn't there to greet me, that I realised I was supposed to meet him at Vince and Dré's for dinner. I knew I should probably go, but I was drained and depressed and in absolutely no mood to socialise. Reluctantly, I pulled out my phone and dialed Ashok's number.

"Hi, Rick, are you running late?"

A glance at my watch told me it was, indeed, later than I would normally get home on a weeknight.

"Sort of. To be honest, Ashy, I've had a rough day and I forgot about dinner at Vince's, so I came home. Now that I'm here, I think I'll just have a lie down and rest. Please apologise to Dré and Vince for me."

"I'll come right home to take care of you," Ashok volunteered.

"No, that's not necessary. You're cooking dinner, right? Vince and Dré are counting on you. Maybe you can just bring me some leftovers."
"But Rick," he started to protest.

"Ashy, there's nothing for you to do here. I'm going to try to sleep. Just stay where you are and I'll see you later. Hopefully by then I'll feel better."

"If you're certain," he said reluctantly.

"I'm positive. I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay, Rick. I'll see you later." Ashok still sounded hesitant when he hung up, but I was fairly certain he would not abandon our friends to rush home. True to my word, I quickly undressed and slipped into bed. I knew I probably should have eaten something, but I felt so ill after what had happened with H., I wasn't certain I could keep anything down. I should have felt relieved that it was all over, but it hurt to finally see so clearly everything others had seen all along. No wonder they'd been less than understanding and respectful at times. Knowing how many things I'd sacrificed for someone so unworthy made me never want to look in the mirror again. The worst part was I wasn't yet ready to tell anyone what happened. I knew Ashok would be happy and the others would be relieved and overjoyed, but right then I needed to mourn, not celebrate. I'd just lost the love of my life, even if that love had been mostly an illusion. It may have been for the best, but it wasn't easy or painless, and I needed time to come to terms with everything before I could share it all with my friends and my new lover.

I hadn't lied to Ashok when I told him I was exhausted. I was just drifting into sleep when my cell phone rang. Even though I didn't particularly want to talk to anyone, I picked up the mobile anyway and answered it when I saw the caller was Vince.

"Is Ashok all right?" I asked. The only reason I could think of for Vince calling was that something had happened.

"He's fine. He's concerned about you and I'm sure he'll want to go back to yours as soon as we're done with dinner, but otherwise he's fine. It's you we're worried about."

"Oh," I was pleasantly taken aback. "I’m fine. I've just had a rough day."

"Yeah, yeah, Ashok already gave us your story. The thing is, I can only think of one thing that could make you forget you were going to have dinner with us and then not want to come over even after you remembered. What did he do now?"

I exhaled, touched by his concern but still not ready to admit to what happened.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

I heard him swear under his breath. "Are you all right? I know you told Ashok to stay here, but I could make up some tenant emergency and sneak out to yours for a bit."

"No, Vince. That's not necessary. I'm not like I was Thursday. I mean, I'm home and I'm not drinking. I didn't even have a beer when I got here. I'm okay, just not fit for company."

"All right, mate. Just know that I'm here if you need to talk, and Greg will be back by the weekend. You don't have to be alone."

"I know that, Vince, and thanks," I told him, still touched by his outreach.

"Just one question?"

"Yeah?"

"Did he tell you to move Ashok out of the flat? Is that what this is all about? Because..."

"Stop!" I interrupted, not wanting to hear the rest. "This is Ashok's home. I would never ask him to leave. The only way he's moving out is if that's something he wants."

"Okay," Vince said cautiously, "so he's not moving out, but is anything else changing?"

I paused to consider my answer. I had no idea how much Ashok had told him about what we'd been doing.

"No. Everything's staying the same," I said, feeling guilty about the white lie. Certainly nothing physical between Ashok and me would have to change now that H. and I were no longer together. Things might be different emotionally, but I wasn't ready to talk to anyone about that yet and even if I had been, I owed it to Ashok to have the first conversation with him.

"Right, well, get some rest while you can. I guarantee Ashok will not linger here tonight," Vince warned.

"I hear you, and that's fine. Like I said, this is his home and he's welcome here any time. I just didn't want him to miss dinner with you because of me."

Vincent grumbled something I couldn't quite make out before he hung up. I could tell he was genuinely concerned, though I wasn't sure if the concern was more for my benefit or Ashok's. Either way, it was good to know he cared.

The call didn't make me feel better, but it gave me something other than H. to focus on, which was enough to let me fall asleep. I woke up to the pleasurable sensation of a warm body pressing against my back.

"Ashok?" I had been dreaming of him and his name naturally fell from my lips. For a moment I was startled, caught in that limbo between sleep and wakefulness where I couldn't figure out where I was and with whom. In a flash of horror, I wondered if I just called H. by another man's name, but when there was no reaction from the man behind me I relaxed again. My eyes adjusted enough to let me know that I was in my own bedroom, further confirming that I hadn't made a grievous mistake.

"I am sorry. I did not mean to wake you," Ashok said apologetically.

"It's okay," I said, turning to face him. "I was actually hoping you would. If I slept too long now, I wouldn't get any sleep later tonight."

I reached up to stroke his cheek and brush his dark hair back off his face. I noted that it was getting longer and supposed I should arrange for both of us to get haircuts, but I was reluctant because on him the longer hair was actually very becoming. Not to mention that it made for a convenient place to bury my fingers.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked, obviously unaware of my thoughts.

"Much better. Especially now you're here."

"I knew I should have come home..." he began, but I silenced him with my finger over his lips.

"Shh. I'm glad you had dinner with the guys. The sleep helped and you're here now, so it all worked out perfectly."

He smiled and his lips parted as I traced my finger along them.

"You're so fucking beautiful," I said in amazement, as though I was seeing him for the first time. There was something in the way he looked in the twilight that made him even more desirable than usual.

"You are the beautiful one," he said, moving his hands to rest them on my chest. "You are strong and caring and such a good lover. I thought I knew what sex between men was like, but I knew nothing. I do not have the words to describe the things you have made me feel." As he spoke he lowered his right hand to between my legs, where my cock was already hard and throbbing from being in such close proximity to my sexy, naked lover. "I want to feel them again. I want to feel you inside me," as he spoke he threw his leg up over my thigh and hitched it up over my hip, while at the same time directing my hardness between his legs, the head sliding past his balls and resting at the bottom of his crack.

"Ashy, we talked about this, remember? We don't have any more condoms," I reminded.

"We do have condoms. I bought some earlier today. Vince took me to the chemist’s and showed me where to find them," he offered eagerly. "There is a box on the bedside table."

I sighed, recalling my earlier conversation with Vince, now having the answer to my question of exactly how much he knew about what Ashok and I had done together. Apparently Ashok had filled him in on everything. Noting my sigh, the boy appeared stricken.

"Did I do something wrong? Should I not have asked him?"

I leaned over and kissed him reassuringly. "You didn't do anything wrong. I might have wished we'd kept the extent of our relationship private for a while longer, but it doesn't matter. They would have found out eventually."

"Is it because you have not yet told H.? I am certain Vince will not say anything."

"I know he won't, and I don't want to talk about H. tonight. Did you mean it when you said you wanted to make love?"

"Very much! I want you to fill me up again with your huge penis!" he said fervently. I tried to stop, but couldn't hold back a chuckle.

"Penis is the correct term, but very anatomical. The slang term you may want to use instead is cock. And mine is definitely not huge."

"You are very large," Ashok emphasised by using his hand to stroke my entire length, managing to stroke my ego at the same time. "Much longer and thicker than Pankaj. When you are inside me, I feel so full, so complete."

I kissed him again, knowing exactly what he meant. There was something magical about having your ass stretched and clamped around a big dick. I also knew, however, that size was only part of the equation. It was my good fortune that I was not only bigger, but also more experienced than Pankaj had been, which meant that I really could make Ashok feel things the other man never had.

"When I'm inside you I feel just as complete, Ashy," I told him. I didn't say it out loud, not knowing how he would react, but I hoped some day I would also get to experience the flip side of our sexual relationship.

"Your cock feels very ready to be inside me," Ashok teased, smearing the precum that had leaked out and giving me another long stroke.

"You are absolutely right. Let's get you just as ready as I am."

The second time we'd made love over the weekend was also the first time Ashok had not been taken from behind. He couldn't have been more astonished at my request, but I immediately saw that he liked the face to face position, especially for how easy it made it for us to kiss throughout. In the spirit of teaching him even more, while at the same time giving him the opportunity to take a more active role in our lovemaking, this night I suggested that we should continue to face each other, but with him on top.

"You can say no if you really don't want to." When I saw his reluctance, I reminded him of the pact we struck the first time we were together. "Or we can try it and switch if it makes you too uncomfortable. I think, though, that you will enjoy it." I reached down to stroke him as I spoke, "I haven't steered you wrong yet, have I?"

"No. I trust you," Ashok agreed. "What do I need to do?"

He was initially hesitant, his movements amateurish and awkward, his face terror stricken when he rose too high causing me to slip out of him. He calmed, though, when I reassured him that it wasn’t a problem, using my hand to guide myself right back in place. I flexed and bucked my hips beneath him to minimise his need to move and he grew bolder with each of my deeper thrusts, locking his eyes with mine and using his hands to tweak my aching nipples. When I asked for a kiss he fell forward immediately, his mouth opening for my invading tongue with a moan so erotic I nearly became undone.

Ashok was as fast a learner in bed as he was in the kitchen, and extremely giving, so that making love with him really was, as I told Greg, sublime. With my continuous praise and encouragement his confidence grew even more. I moved my hands to support his backside as he rode my cock with a reverential enthusiasm I’d never experienced before. By the end, I was feeling like a well-loved stallion being ridden by his favorite jockey. I loved feeling his warm cum spill over my stomach as he found his release, and loved even more that he licked it up afterwards and shared it with me through a deep, loving kiss. I would have been content to spend the rest of the evening just holding and caressing him as we drifted into sleep, but a deep rumble from my stomach reminded both of us that I still hadn't had dinner. We didn't bother getting dressed as Ashok heated up the leftovers. While I ate, he told me about his day and how much Vince liked the idea of Ashok attending culinary school. The questions that I expected him to ask about my day never came, making me think he'd probably been advised by Vince to let me decide if I wanted to talk about it. It reminded me that someday soon I'd have to figure out a way to repay Vince for everything he'd done for me and Ashok since our return from Dubai.

Falling asleep and waking up with Ashok in my arms, knowing that this would be our present and foreseeable future, unencumbered by H. and his demands and expectations, was a balm to my aching heart. Neither one of us had put a label on it, but I knew we felt very connected to each other. We were definitely in the first stage of falling in love, and in truth, though I knew it had only been a matter of weeks, I believed we had already moved into something deeper. We'd been holding back because of the uncertainty surrounding H., but now that he was no longer a factor, we were free to experience the full depth and breadth of our emotions. Or at least we would be able to as soon as I told Ashok what had happened. Much as I wanted to do that, something stopped me, something that felt an awful lot like a fear of a relapse. I didn't want to give Ashok hope or make any promises that I would immediately break. Instead, I decided to take a few days for everything to settle and resolve in my mind. A few days were meaningless in light of the months or years we could have together.

I wasn't sure quite what to expect on Wednesday, but if I'd had any hopes that H. would charge back into my life like some knight in shining armor, I would have been very disappointed. Just as on any other Wednesday, there was no sign of him, and no communication from him. I noted this, but didn't spend much time dwelling, work proving a good distraction. After work I went to Molly's, where Vince, Dré and Ashok were already waiting for me. We had a couple of pints over our pub dinner and talked about Greg, Viktor and Helena, who were due to return from Bulgaria the following day. I could tell Ashok was excited but also a bit apprehensive about meeting the now almost legendary Viktor, so I put my arm around him and tried to relax him by nuzzling at his neck. My lips must have tickled, causing him to giggle, but not pull away. I kissed up the side of his neck to his lightly stubbled jaw and then locked onto his lips. For a moment our companions and everyone in the pub were forgotten as we explored each other's mouths, out tongues wrestling playfully. Then I heard the encouraging catcalls and whistles from other tables, and felt someone slap me approvingly on the shoulder, which finally made me pull back. Ashok was panting, his eyes shining brightly with his excitement. Vince was smiling his approval and Dré wore his trademark smirk.

"Guys, it's been fun, but I think we need to be going home," I announced. "What do you think? Are you ready?" I turned to ask Ashok and saw that he had already slid off his stool.

"Not only does Ashok seem ready, I'd say after that display there are a few other guys in here who'd be ready to join you two," Dré remarked dryly.

Ashok's eyes widened in surprise at the suggestion. I chuckled and shook my head.

"Don't listen to him, Ashy. He just likes to stir up trouble."

I put my arm around Ashok's shoulders as we said our goodbyes and left the pub. Ashok looked like he had something on his mind, but it took him a few moments to formulate his thoughts. Finally, he looked up at me.

"No one has ever kissed me like that in a public place, with everyone watching. It was so exciting!" he noted.

"It's been a very long time since I've done that with anyone too, and it was very exciting. We shall have to do it more often," I agreed. We returned to the flat arm in arm, both wearing satisfied grins. Once there, it took us very little time to make it to the bedroom.

Thursday morning I woke up in a great mood, but Ashok was more subdued than usual. It wasn't until he asked if I would be home for dinner at the regular time that I realised he still thought I was meeting with H.

"I promise I will be here at the regular time, and if I'm running late I'll call. I will not make you worry like that ever again," I told him sincerely. I could tell he wanted to ask me questions about the conversation he believed I was going to have with H., but something held him back and since I didn't want to lie to him, I didn't encourage him. We parted at Victoria Station with our usual hug, but this time Ashok didn't merely follow the throng out of the station, instead choosing to look back through the windows of the carriage at me until the train pulled out of sight. His obviously concerned countenance was enough to convince me to confess everything that night. Delaying the news had been a self-indulgence and one that was now negatively impacting my lover. I could not let that continue.

I worked diligently all morning and then, out of sheer habit, shut everything down at the usual Thursday time. Feeling foolish at having no place to go, I decided to head to Soho and stopped at Prowler, where I picked up a pair of Go Software briefs for Ashok. They were Black with Navy trim, and had a nice pouch to support his tackle and a cut out back that would perfectly frame out his firm, round butt, not to mention make his hole very accessible to my hungry cock. Just thinking about fucking him while he was still wearing the briefs was enough to give me a massive hard-on right in the store, forcing me to browse far longer than I intended. On a whim, I also let the cute sales guy talk me into buying a pair of matching boyfriend cuff bangles. It was too early to think about rings, but I thought the matching metallic bracelets would make a nice statement and show Ashok that I was serious about our relationship.

"Have a good time with those," he bade as he rang me up. "Your boyfriend's a lucky man," he flirted, his eyes telling me that I could get lucky with him if I wanted.

"Thanks," I remained friendly, though not encouraging. "I think I'm the lucky one."

I stepped out of the store and noted that I still had a couple of hours before I was due home. I could stop in any of the nearby pubs for a pint, but then I remembered that I still had a key to H.'s house, a key that I should return as a last physical act to finalise our split. It was my intention to be there only long enough to slip the key into the house through the letter box before returning to the Tube, but once I was standing in front of the familiar door I couldn't resist the temptation to go inside and have one last look around. I convinced myself that this too would be part of the closure I needed to be able to move on.

I expected to find the house empty, so it surprised me to see the briefcase I had once so carefully and lovingly picked out for H. standing in the front hall. My heart skipped a beat as I looked around and up the staircase. There was no doubt that H. was here, but why? Had he changed his mind? Had he finally realised that he could leave Ginny and live his life openly? As quickly as the thought came, I dismissed it. If he had decided to leave, there would have been suitcases and boxes in the house, not a briefcase. If anything, he had probably reconsidered his position from earlier in the week and was willing to accept the idea that I would be with Ashok when I wasn't with him. Just a week before I would have been thrilled with such a decision, but now I wasn't certain, especially when he hadn't bothered to call to tell me about it, and instead just elected to wait here at the house, even though he should not have expected me to stop by. Anger bubbled up inside me at this thought. Was this another one of his stupid games? A test of my resolve? Was he up there, not having changed his mind at all, just expecting me to come back to him with my tail between my legs, begging his forgiveness?

I hesitated, but eventually I set down my own bag, gripped the handrail, and began walking upstairs. I was lost deep in thought, battling with myself about what to do or say when I finally saw him, so I hardly paid attention to my surroundings. I made my way up slowly, my mind churning with possibilities. At the top of the stairs I took a deep breath and turned towards the master bedroom, telling myself that whatever H. decided to throw at me, I was ready. I could not have been more wrong.

The sound should have clued me in. It was a rhythmic slap of flesh against flesh. Idiotically, for a split second I actually wondered if H. was self-flagellating, punishing himself for having lost the love of his life through his stubbornness and misplaced pride. I quickened my step to stop him and walked into the room only to stand rooted in place, shocked by what I saw. H. was standing at the side of the bed, his shirt tossed aside on the floor, his trousers and underpants pooled at his ankles. Another man, similarly attired, was bent at the waist over the bed, his grunts muffled by the bedding. The slapping I heard was H. ploughing the man's arse, pulling out completely and going in balls deep with every thrust. They were so lost in their mindless fucking, they didn't even notice I was there.

Bile rose from my stomach and into my throat. I had to force myself to swallow so as not to retch where I stood. I couldn't believe I had been stupid enough to for a minute think H. might have had any regrets, might have actually been pining for me. Clearly he had only ever needed me for one thing, and it didn't take long to find my replacement. Disgusted, I started to turn to leave when an air movement carried the scent to my nose. It was mixed in with the odors of sweat and precum, but it was also unmistakably familiar. It took seconds for me to remember where I had smelled it before. He'd been wearing it the Monday night he came to see me after our return from Dubai.

I snorted, thinking that he must have given in to Ginny's nagging for him to wear it as soon as he came home after our talk Thursday, but then I had a flash of insight.

"You fucking bastard!" I exclaimed, stepping forward and reaching down to grab his shirt.

"Rick!" H.'s cried my name in shock and pulled out of the man, turning to face me. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to drop off my key. I was just going to toss it through the letter box, but I guess I was feeling nostalgic, wanted a last look around. Little did I know I'd get a show for my trouble," I let my voice drip with sarcasm. "But do you know, this couldn't have worked out better if I'd planned it. I didn't have any doubts about my decision, but if I had, this would have put an end to all of them. As it is, I now have a fantastic illustration of what kind of a man you really are."

"Rick, it's not what you think," he said, and then stopped, realising how ridiculous he sounded. "I mean, you left me. We're not together..." he said weakly.

"What's going on?" The other man stood and started to pull up his pants and trousers. He was about our age, but his slight build and the light spray of freckles across his cheeks and nose made him look younger. "I don't want any trouble."

I lifted H.'s shirt to my nose. The odor assaulted my senses, but it was too faint to account for what I smelled earlier. I didn't even know why, but I had to confirm my suspicions.

The man had shrugged on his shirt and was buttoning the front when I moved towards him. He was shorter and slighter than me, so it was easy to grab him by his shirt front and practically lift him over to the wall against which I slammed his body. I knew he was just a bystander, but my rage could not be controlled. I leaned down and saw the fear in his eyes before he forced them shut. I put my nose to his collar and was nauseated by the strong scent of the odious cologne.

"This isn't your first time here, is it?" I asked.

"Rick, please," H. begged from behind me.

"Is it?!" I shouted. The man shook his head, whimpering.

"How many times have you been here before?" I continued to interrogate.

"Rick, this is between you and me. He's terrified. Let him go," H. pleaded.

I turned back to look at him with narrowed eyes. The fact that he spared a thought for the guy's feelings spoke volumes.

"How many fucking times?!" I yelled at the man again, this time pulling him off the wall and slamming him back.

"Two or three," he croaked. "Just two or three, no more, I swear!"

"Two or three," I said in a cold, menacing voice as I let him go, smoothing out the shirt that had been bunched up in my hands. "I see," I said, turning for H.'s benefit.

"And you had the balls to berate me over what I'd done, when all along you were here doing the same thing? This isn't Ginny!" I exclaimed.

"No, I'm Seamus," the man said from behind me, confused.

"Rick, we hadn't been together and I just needed relief. It meant nothing. It means nothing. I only ever wanted to be with you," H. pleaded, pulling up his trousers. "I love you!"

"I think we can all see that's an obvious lie."

I turned to leave and saw that Seamus had had the same idea.

"Stay," I told him. "I'm sorry I interrupted, but there's no reason why the two of you can't finish what you started. I was done with him before tonight."

I shoved past him and walked briskly to the stairs, descending quickly.

"Rick, wait! Ced!"

I stopped at the foot of the stairs to see him leaning over the railing. "I'm done waiting for you H., and I thought you were done chasing me. Like I said, this couldn't have worked out better if I'd planned it. Thanks for showing me exactly what a hypocrite and a pig you are, so that I never have to ask myself if I'd made the right decision."

I had previously taken the key to the house off my key ring, so it was easy to take it out of my pocket now and place it on the hallway table. I picked up my bag and left the house, letting the door slam loudly behind me. Walking back to the Tube station, all of my anger evaporated and I felt lighter, as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Knowing that H. had been cheating on me with another man should have depressed me, but instead it merely freed me of my own guilt. He was a born cheater and the only surprise was that it hadn't happened sooner. Or maybe it had, and he'd just hidden it better. Either way, it didn't matter. I was now, once and for all, finally free of him and my ridiculous addiction. Free to start a new life with the lovely boy who waited for me at our flat, undoubtedly anxious to learn the outcome of my supposed meeting with H. Thoughts of Ashok made me walk faster. I couldn't wait to see him to tell him the good news.

The Tube ride back was interminable and when the train pulled into my station I practically flew back to street level and then back home. I ran up to our flat, taking two stairs at a time. I was out of breath when I put my key in the lock, but the door swung open before I even had a chance to turn it. The worry I initially saw on Ashok's face turned into a happy smile the instant he saw me. In one motion I shifted my bag to my back and pulled him into my arms for a big, tight hug, making him gasp in surprise and then laugh.

"You look like you had a good afternoon," he said when I finally released him.

"I did, Ashy, a very good afternoon!"

"That makes me happy," he said with a big grin. "Are you hungry?"

"I could eat a horse," I replied, "though I'd much prefer one of your creations."

"I made lemon aioli salmon cakes today with couscous," he said proudly.

"They sound delicious. Can I help?"

He shook his head. "Everything is ready. Would you like a beer?"

"I would love a beer," I said, stepping into the kitchen and taking a bottle from the refrigerator. "And a cider for you?" I asked and grabbed another bottle when he nodded. We sidestepped each other as I left to place the beer on the table in the living room and he went into the kitchen to get the food. At the table I finally took off my messenger bag and placed it near my chair, where it would be easy for me to retrieve Ashok's gifts when the time came.

I intended to talk before we ate, but when Ashok brought out the food it looked so delicious I couldn't resist taking a bite, and then another, until my plate was clean.

"Wow, Ashy, you have outdone yourself. This was a culinary masterpiece."

"I am so happy you liked it," he replied, still eating his meal. "But maybe you were just hungry. It looks like you worked up quite an appetite," he teased. I frowned, realising the meaning behind the joke. Ashok thought I'd had a great afternoon with H. He probably imagined the appetite came from some kind of afternoon sex marathon.

"No, it wasn't anything like that," I hastened to set the record straight.

"Oh," Ashok suddenly seemed cautious. "But you did see H.? You talked about us?"

"I did see him, yes," I admitted, for the first time wondering how much I should tell him. Did he need to know that H. had been cheating on me? I certainly did not want him to think that this was the reason I chose to be with him over H.

"Is that why you were so happy? Did he agree that I could be your second?"

I frowned in confusion.

"Your second man," he added, more timidly, when he saw I wasn't getting it.

"Oh!" my understanding was sudden, like a light bulb coming on in my shadowy mind. "No, he didn't agree."

"He didn't? So then...?" he didn't finish his question, but I could easily fill in the blank. I reached over for his hand.

"Ashy, I told you before, you shouldn't settle for being anybody's second. I don't want you to be my second."

He looked up at me, his soulful brown eyes glistening with tears. "But I thought..." he began.

"I don't want you to be my second. I want you to be my first," I told him urgently. "No, that's wrong. I want you to be my only. Do you understand?"

"Your only?" he repeated. "But what about H.?" It was clear he did not understand.

"I’m done with H.," I said with a shepish smile, feeling slightly guilty for having kept the news from him this long. "You were right the other day when you said he was selfish and didn't care about my happiness, only his own. Everyone else has seen the same thing for years, but for some reasons I hadn't been able to take off my blinkers until you came along. To be honest," I paused to take a deep breath, making an instant decision to tell him everything. I didn't want there to be any secrets between us, especially when it came to my ex-lover. "I actually met with him Tuesday afternoon. That's why I was so upset that evening. I met him at Hampstead Heath and we talked for a long time, rowing as usual. We had so much to discuss it took a long time to even get to you and me, but when I finally explained about us he refused to even consider it. So I left him."

"Rick, are you sure?" Ashok looked pained. "I know how much you love him. I didn't want you to have to make a choice."

"I know, Ashy," I said, squeezing his hand. "I know you would never make me choose, but he did. And I chose you. I don't regret it now and I don't believe I ever will, especially after today."

"What happened today?" he gasped.

"This afternoon I went to the house where he and I used to meet. Not to see him, mind you, because I didn't expect him to be there. I just wanted to take a last look around and leave the key."

"But he was there?" Ashok surmised astutely.

"Yes, he was there. But you see, he wasn't alone. I found him fucking another man."

Ashok put a hand over his mouth and gasped in dismay. "Rick, I am so sorry. That must have been terrible for you."

"Surprisingly, it wasn't. At first I was hurt that he'd moved on so quickly, but I knew that he had a right to do that. Then I recognised the man's scent, and I forced him to tell me that it hadn't been their first time. You see, H. had been fucking this man even while he and I were still together. I think it started when I went to Dubai, but I don't really know or care. The point is, he's a selfish cheater and a liar and always will be. To be honest, I don't know what I ever saw in him, at least after we left school. I had made my decision to leave him Tuesday, before I knew about the other man. Seeing them together only showed me how right I had been to do that. It would have been the right decision even if you weren't in my life, and so much more so because you are."

Tears slipped out of Ashok's eyes and trailed down his cheeks.

"Don't cry, Ashy, please. There's nothing to cry about. Come here," I pulled on his hand and he rose and walked over to stand in front of me, between my spread legs. I pulled him close and buried my face in his chest.

"Meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me. You have a way of talking that speaks right to my heart. You've made me realise things other people have been trying to tell me for years. You have such wisdom and so much caring, and I am so lucky that you want to be with me." I pulled my head back and looked up at him. "I know we just met, and it may be too soon for this, but I'm in love with you, Ashy. If you'll have me, I want to be your boyfriend. I want us to be each other's onlys."

He was smiling, but tears were still falling from his eyes, landing on my cheeks. I laughed and wiped them away with my hand, before reaching up to wipe his eyes.

"What do you think?" I asked when he remained silent. He gave me a look that spoke volumes, but the he told me anyway.

"I love you too. After Pankaj, I never thought I would love again, but I could not help it with you. I just want to be with you and make you happy."

"That's what I want as well," I told him. "Here, I bought us something earlier today, before I went to the house." I pulled my briefcase over and reached inside, retrieving the bag from Prowler. I took out the matching bracelets first.

"The guy at the store said they were boyfriend bracelets, so I got us a matching set. Do you like them?" I asked, slipping his cuff on first and then putting on mine. He stretched his arm so that our wrists were side by side, his slim and dark and mine thicker and lighter, but both adorned by the same piece of jewelry.

"I love them! These are perfect! Thank you!" he gushed and put his arms around my neck, dipping his head to kiss me. His lips and tongue tasted so good I could have kept kissing him all night, but eventually he pulled away. "These will show everyone that we are together," he said, admiring his bracelet again.

"That's the idea. I don't want anyone else to think you're available," I teased him.

"It is I who want everyone to know that I am yours and you are mine," he corrected. I pulled him forward and down, until he was sitting on my knee.

"There, that's better," I told him before leaning in to kiss him again.

"So much better," he agreed between kisses. "It might be even better in bed," he suggested.

"Do you think so?" I joked. "Okay, but first let me show you the other present I picked up for you." I reached into the Prowler bag again and pulled out the briefs. Ashok's eyes went wide when I showed him the back.

"These are very sexy!" he exclaimed, wide eyed.

"That's right, and you will look especially sexy in them, so I hope you'll only wear them around here. For my eyes only.”

"I will put them on for you right now." He moved to get up, but I held him in place.

"No, Ashy, not tonight. Tonight I don't want you to wear anything at all. I want to make love with nothing and no one between us."

He was still sitting in my lap, so it was easy for me to slip one of my arms under his knees while keeping the other supporting his back to carry him to the bedroom. Ashok helped by keeping his arms wrapped around my neck. I set him down on the bed and he immediately rose to his knees in front of me. With him kneeling on the bed we were face to face, which made kissing too inviting to resist, not that either one of us would have wanted to resist anyway.

His lips, while always sweet, seemed even sweeter, as if they'd been coated with honey. It was difficult to leave them, even for the few moments it took him to raise his arms while I pulled off his T-shirt so that my hands had unrestricted access to the expanse of his warm skin. As soon as the interfering shirt was gone, we were kissing deeply again, doing our best to satisfy a seemingly insatiable hunger. Thankfully, I'd worn a button up shirt to work, which Ashok could simply slide off my arms after he got the buttons undone, so that our kisses could continue without further impediment.

Once we were both naked from the waist up, the hot flesh of his chest pressing against mine, the urgency to unite grew even stronger. There was no hesitation, only frantic fumbling with buttons and zips that needed to be unfastened before we could rid ourselves of our trousers, underpants and socks. Finally we were completely nude and tumbled onto the bed, two bodies grinding and groping, both of us hard and, in my case, already leaking.

He broke the kiss first when he ran his hand over the weeping head of my cock. His lips remained on my skin, but began to travel down my body, leaving no doubt about their destination. With a sigh I closed my eyes and luxuriated in the feel of his lips and tongue leaving a soft, wet trail over my raspy jaw, down my neck, along the thicker trail of hair between my pecs, and then on my nipples, as tight and erect with desire as my throbbing hardness. When Ashok tried to move lower, however, I reached for his shoulders to stop him.

“I want to suck you,” he said with a small pout, his voice and eyes pleading to let him continue.

“I know, but I want to suck you too, and there’s no reason we can’t both do that at once.”

He furrowed his brow momentarily, but then his eyes widened with understanding and he turned his body and rose to his hands and knees so that each of our cocks were aligned with the other’s mouth. I lifted my head to take him in my mouth even as he pulled me into his. I sighed with pleasure as I felt his lips slide down my prick, noting that he was taking me in deeper than he ever had before. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him down, letting his shaft plug up my waiting throat. We lay, joined together, unmoving except for our massaging tongues, until we were both just about out of breath. Then, as if by mutual accord, we both pulled off to take a deep breath before resuming the oral lovemaking.

I don’t know how long we sucked, licked and stroked each other, only that we didn’t rush, both loving the exquisite torture and not wanting it to stop. I lavished attention on Ashok’s cock and balls, but I also made sure I didn’t neglect his arse, taking special care to ensure he was relaxed and well prepared for the next step, which we were both eagerly anticipating. I was especially pleased when he eventually reciprocated, slipping a spit-slicked finger first over and then into my hole, making me buck into his waiting mouth.

Finally, when I didn’t think I could take much more without coming, I reached over to the night stand for the condom and lube. We helped one another with the final steps and then made love. Although we had already been together several times, this felt as special as our first. Our bodies fit together perfectly and each time I was fully sheathed inside him, our lovemaking rose to new heights. Beyond the physical pleasure, we reached a spiritual connection so strong it was almost overwhelming. We became two men joined in every sense of that word, both loving and being loved, both chasing physical release not just for the orgasmic high, but also as a representation of our deep emotional bond. We moved together, Ashok meeting my every thrust. His hands roamed my body as my lips roamed his. Our moans and grunts mingled in the air with the musky, masculine scents of sweat and sex. When we finally reached our nearly simultaneous orgasms, our mutual level of euphoric bliss was so high that for a long while we were too exhausted to move or speak. We simply lay on the bed, drained and boneless, clutching each other as tightly as two lovers ever did. It was only later, much later, when my softening cock slipped out of him, that I found the strength to cover his face in gentle kisses and tell him how much I loved being with him, and how good he made me feel.

“I love you, Rick,” he whispered in response. “I love the way you make me feel too, and the things you have been teaching me. And I love that you are all mine.” He snuggled into my side as he spoke, his head resting on my chest. He reached down to my wrist, sliding his fingers along the cuff bracelet.

“I am all yours,” I repeated, my voice filled with some of the wonderment I felt at the reminder that H. was no longer a factor in my life. Then another thought hit me, a thought I had to share. “I have been all yours, from the start. I mean, H. and I kissed a few times, but nothing more since before I left for Dubai. You’re the only man I’ve made love with since we met.”

Ashok moved his head to look at me and I saw in his eyes that he’d been aware all along of what had just occurred to me. “It would not have mattered if you had been with him,” he told me sincerely.

“Maybe not, but I’m glad I hadn’t been.” I stated with conviction, and then felt the need to elaborate, to voice the commitment I had already made in my head. “And I promise you I never will be. I’ve cheated on other men in the past, I can’t deny that and wouldn’t try to, but I promise I will never cheat on you. As long as you and I are together, I will never sleep with another man behind your back. Not with H. or anyone else. Ever!” I reiterated.

He kissed me in reply and reached down to pull off the condom, which was already slipping off my now completely soft penis. His action reminded me of what I’d seen earlier at H.’s house and made me all the more glad that I always insisted on practicing safe sex. Now, though, I thought to a day in the future, when that would no longer be necessary.

“I’ll make appointments for us to get tested. That’s the first step, so that eventually we can stop using those,” I told him.

“That is good,” he said through a yawn. “I do not like condoms. Vince does not like them either,” he muttered.

I frowned briefly, unable to fathom why Vince and Dré, who had only ever been with each other, would have ever had needed to use condoms. I wouldn’t think Ashok would know the answer even if I asked him, though, and then I decided that it really didn’t matter. All that mattered was the man whose breathing was slowing and deepening as he was obviously falling asleep.

“Let’s get us under the covers,” I said quietly, continuing to hold him to me as I shifted us on the bed so I could pull down the sheet and light duvet and then pull them back up over us. Ashok allowed me to maneuver his body with mine, but I could tell he was pretty much out of it. Still when we finally settled down for the night with the sheet and duvet over us, he squeezed my pec with his hand and whispered, “Mine!” The possessiveness and finality in his voice caused me to grin as I, too, fell asleep.